The end (of 2018) is nigh and my promises to blog more regularly didn't come to fruition, yet again. There was always an excuse not to blog - lack of time, lack of energy, would anyone be bothered about what I had to say anyway? - but with just a few days of the year left it feels like a good time to reflect on the year.
It has, like many years, been one of ups and downs. Let's get the misery out of the way first. Emotionally, I've struggled. Anxiety is a bitch, and my self-esteem has been at rock bottom. I've put on weight, and although I'm trying my hardest to become more body confident (or at least body accepting) it isn't always easy fighting the thoughts that have, over a life time, become ingrained. What I do know is I don't want to waste any more years 'dieting' and social media accounts such as Bodiposipanda and SoBadAss have been an enormous help in reminding me that bodies of all shapes are beautiful and that not everyone's functions the same way. I'm also making an effort to slow down, because my body doesn't cope well with stress. Prioritising time to read and sew has made a big difference to my mental health over the past couple of months so I'm determined to make time for those things in 2019, along with more regular physical exercise. The running I did in the summer months helped beyond measure.
The start of the year was also a challenge professionally. Joe and Clara's Christmas Countdown completed my contract with Harper Impulse and a book I'd written in 2017 went out on submission in February. I'd not gone through that process before, but basically it involved my agent sending the book out to various publishers and waiting for their feedback. This book is still without a home, even though the comments we got back were generally very positive. The rejections knocked my already low confidence, and for a while I wondered what the future held for me. My poor agent has been a marvel this year putting up with my self-doubt! Thankfully, the second half of the year was far more enjoyable and successful on a professional level and I can't wait to tell you what's coming next (hopefully not too long now until I can say!) I'm also going into 2019 full of ideas and feeling excited about writing again.
Despite poor mental health I've been fortunate to have found joy in many places throughout the year. Live music has helped me so much and I've seen almost all my favourite bands/artists at least once in 2018. Morrissey, Charlie Barnes, Carrie Hope Fletcher, Bastille, Frank Turner, Gary Barlow, Childcare, Johnny Marr, Felix Hagan and the Family, Arkells...they've all made me smile. I've also managed theatre trips to see NBT's Jane Eyre, Hairspray, Grease, The Band, Heathers and Rock of Ages. We had a few days break in Edinburgh and a night in London as a family and I went home to Wales and to Brackley to visit my best friend when she had her baby at the start of the year. I also had a night in Scarborough with friends when we went to see Bastille at the Open Air Theatre. I've loved photography exhibitions and art exhibitions, and as I mentioned earlier have found solace in sewing and reading - I'll do a separate post about my favourite reads of the year. Family and friends who've been patient with me have been a real blessing when I've needed support. I am very, very lucky.
I'm leaving 2018 feeling quietly hopeful. There are big changes afoot in 2019 with work, my son starting secondary school, moving house (if all goes to plan)... but I'm ready. My word for the year ahead is balance. Hopefully 2019 will be a bit less emotionally wobbly than 2018 was.
It has, like many years, been one of ups and downs. Let's get the misery out of the way first. Emotionally, I've struggled. Anxiety is a bitch, and my self-esteem has been at rock bottom. I've put on weight, and although I'm trying my hardest to become more body confident (or at least body accepting) it isn't always easy fighting the thoughts that have, over a life time, become ingrained. What I do know is I don't want to waste any more years 'dieting' and social media accounts such as Bodiposipanda and SoBadAss have been an enormous help in reminding me that bodies of all shapes are beautiful and that not everyone's functions the same way. I'm also making an effort to slow down, because my body doesn't cope well with stress. Prioritising time to read and sew has made a big difference to my mental health over the past couple of months so I'm determined to make time for those things in 2019, along with more regular physical exercise. The running I did in the summer months helped beyond measure.
The start of the year was also a challenge professionally. Joe and Clara's Christmas Countdown completed my contract with Harper Impulse and a book I'd written in 2017 went out on submission in February. I'd not gone through that process before, but basically it involved my agent sending the book out to various publishers and waiting for their feedback. This book is still without a home, even though the comments we got back were generally very positive. The rejections knocked my already low confidence, and for a while I wondered what the future held for me. My poor agent has been a marvel this year putting up with my self-doubt! Thankfully, the second half of the year was far more enjoyable and successful on a professional level and I can't wait to tell you what's coming next (hopefully not too long now until I can say!) I'm also going into 2019 full of ideas and feeling excited about writing again.
Despite poor mental health I've been fortunate to have found joy in many places throughout the year. Live music has helped me so much and I've seen almost all my favourite bands/artists at least once in 2018. Morrissey, Charlie Barnes, Carrie Hope Fletcher, Bastille, Frank Turner, Gary Barlow, Childcare, Johnny Marr, Felix Hagan and the Family, Arkells...they've all made me smile. I've also managed theatre trips to see NBT's Jane Eyre, Hairspray, Grease, The Band, Heathers and Rock of Ages. We had a few days break in Edinburgh and a night in London as a family and I went home to Wales and to Brackley to visit my best friend when she had her baby at the start of the year. I also had a night in Scarborough with friends when we went to see Bastille at the Open Air Theatre. I've loved photography exhibitions and art exhibitions, and as I mentioned earlier have found solace in sewing and reading - I'll do a separate post about my favourite reads of the year. Family and friends who've been patient with me have been a real blessing when I've needed support. I am very, very lucky.
I'm leaving 2018 feeling quietly hopeful. There are big changes afoot in 2019 with work, my son starting secondary school, moving house (if all goes to plan)... but I'm ready. My word for the year ahead is balance. Hopefully 2019 will be a bit less emotionally wobbly than 2018 was.
Sounds like a good year overall and lots to look forward to in 209. Here’s to a good one x
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